Jokes

Laugh it up...
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TJrandom
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Customer Service

Post by TJrandom » Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:41 am

I experienced the WORST customer service today at a store in town. I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed.

Last night I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund.

The girl in the store told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO."

I asked to talk to a manager as I was seriously unhappy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." No refund. No FREE replacement.

Grrrrrrrrr... I'll tell you what... I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again!

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Gord
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Re: Jokes

Post by Gord » Thu Dec 20, 2018 11:38 pm

Hmmm, I'm pretty sure it worked exactly as it was supposed to work.
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"Imagine an ennobling of what could be" -- the New Age BS Generator site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
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JO 753
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Re: Jokes

Post by JO 753 » Fri Dec 21, 2018 1:54 am

Being poor, I am required by law to get a lottery tikit occasionally and thats wun uv the many jokes I'v told to the cashierz.

Sum more:

I'm here to pay my poverty tax.

Its a loozr! Look at theze numberz!

I'm feeling really lucky kuz last time there were 2 dijits that matched the winner.

So far, the only way I coud be further off iz if there were Chineze letterz insted uv numberz.

I want to file a warrantee claim kuz there are spelling mistakes on the tikits. (there really were! HAL XU NQaLF ReVULQsUN!)
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TJrandom
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Only at Xmas

Post by TJrandom » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:53 pm

Things you can only say at Christmas time...

1. I prefer breasts to legs.
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5. I've never seen a better spread!
6. I fancy a little dark meat for a change. (Or vice versa.)
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat!
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect you to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you put it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
19. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
20. Wow! I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more.

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TJrandom
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Plumpie

Post by TJrandom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 12:43 am

Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.

Girl: I'm pregnant?

Doctor: No, but it looks like you are.

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Austin Harper
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Re: Jokes

Post by Austin Harper » Wed Dec 26, 2018 4:02 pm

I'm pregnant?
Dum ratio nos ducet, valebimus et multa bene geremus.

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OlegTheBatty
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Re: Jokes

Post by OlegTheBatty » Thu Dec 27, 2018 10:35 pm

There was this guy who went around all the craft shops, dunking his scrotum into the glitter. Pretty nuts, eh.
. . . with the satisfied air of a man who thinks he has an idea of his own because he has commented on the idea of another . . . - Alexandre Dumas 'The Count of Monte Cristo"

There is no statement so absurd that it has not been uttered by some philosopher. - Cicero

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TJrandom
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Christian values on display

Post by TJrandom » Wed Jan 02, 2019 4:42 am

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ......

I assumed you had stolen the car.''

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Major Malfunction
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Re: Jokes

Post by Major Malfunction » Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:28 pm

Not the usual format, but here, have an hour+ of lols...

This being was produced using the same process as other beings, and therefore, may contain traces of nuts.

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Gord
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Re: Jokes

Post by Gord » Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:51 pm

The "Scenes" part of Mock the Week is literally the only part of the show I do not enjoy. I've sat through quite a few of them, but now I get up and walk out when they're on.

Not sure what it is about that sort of comedy that I don't like. It makes me feel awkward inside for some reason, like watching someone making a fool of himself, empathising with him, and hoping he'll stop.
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"Imagine an ennobling of what could be" -- the New Age BS Generator site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE
Is Trump in jail yet?

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Major Malfunction
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Re: Jokes

Post by Major Malfunction » Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:57 pm

I had the best abdominal workout I've had since last time I had sex. It's gonna hurt tomorrow.
This being was produced using the same process as other beings, and therefore, may contain traces of nuts.