Cremation

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Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:47 pm

No scattering, no converting into jewelry, no splitting up, no shooting into the air, no keeping at home, no, no, oh no – since these might somehow interfere with rapture – but OK to burn, grind the remaining bones, and pour the now powdered ashes into a clay pot. It seems that god isn`t powerful enough to reverse these no-no’s, but is powerful enough to reconstitute a person from the ground up and mixed ashes, just so long as they are stored according to the Catholic Church guidelines.

Vatican issues guidelines on cremation, says no to scattering ashes

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/25/europ ... index.html

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Re: Cremation

Postby scrmbldggs » Tue Oct 25, 2016 11:28 pm

At least not until they sifted through them in the hopes of finding some missed nuggets?

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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Wed Oct 26, 2016 1:47 am

scrmbldggs wrote:At least not until they sifted through them in the hopes of finding some missed nuggets?



Ah, yes - gold. I hear tell that in the afterlife one doesn`t need to eat, so those gold filled teeth may not be in Gods plan after all. :lol:

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Re: Cremation

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Wed Oct 26, 2016 2:26 am

Its all nonsense but is this an infallible kind of statement...or subject to modification? I have a hazy memory that "The Rupture" is not even referenced in the bible... maybe in a book that wasn't included???

In my mind...what about all the holy relics of note where "parts" of a saint are kept in a box and prayed to? Are those guys going to miss the Rupture....or do they get special rules being saints and all?
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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:11 am

bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:Its all nonsense but is this an infallible kind of statement...or subject to modification? I have a hazy memory that "The Rupture" is not even referenced in the bible... maybe in a book that wasn't included???

In my mind...what about all the holy relics of note where "parts" of a saint are kept in a box and prayed to? Are those guys going to miss the Rupture....or do they get special rules being saints and all?


Yes, special rules - all of those body parts are kept on sacred ground....

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Re: Cremation

Postby Matthew Ellard » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:18 am

I have my parents ashes in a rather nice ceramic box, on wheels, in my home study. I use the box to reach the books on the top shelf. They would enjoy that they are still helping me read things.

Amanda my partner is Catholic. Her parents are 85 and 87 and also Catholic. They don't have a plot set aside, so I'm going to point out that cremation is an option. For that, the opening post has been useful.

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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:48 am

Of course we are not Catholic, or anything else for that matter - but our plan is... first one to die keeps the ashes at home and our sons take both sets of ashes once available, out into the Pacific Ocean and dumps them overboard. This happens to be the cheapest that offers a `participatory` event for anyone so inclined to enjoy and remember. A slightly cheaper option would be to simply dump the ashes somewhere in a forested area.

No grave site to maintain - though we actually have one, but with this plan it will revert to other relatives who have expressed an interest and it stops the need for our heirs to feel guilty (or not) about not maintaining the grave. This past Sunday we drove out and back for father`s 7th year after passing ceremony at the cemetery attached temple, leaving home at 6am, and returning at 11pm. This completes our obligation for a believer - with ceremonies at 49 days, one year, 3 years, and 7 years.

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Re: Cremation

Postby ElectricMonk » Wed Oct 26, 2016 10:59 am

This might sound overtly morbid, but I find the idea of my ashes being dumped in the concrete of a construction site rather appealing: helping to keep people protected from the elements even after death....

of course, my chemical composition by weaken the structure, contributing to a gruesome death to the inhabitants, in which case - Mea culpa.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Aztexan » Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:11 am

After my uncle died, my aunt had him cremated and his ashes placed in an urn. When she got home, she lovingly poured his ashes all over the coffee table. Then she bent over and said "Here's that blowjob you always wanted". And proceeded to blow them all over the carpet before vacuuming him up.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Gord » Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:27 am

As my family members die off, I plan to eat their remains.
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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:29 am

ElectricMonk wrote:This might sound overtly morbid, but I find the idea of my ashes being dumped in the concrete of a construction site rather appealing: helping to keep people protected from the elements even after death....

of course, my chemical composition by weaken the structure, contributing to a gruesome death to the inhabitants, in which case - Mea culpa.


I knew there was something odd about you... a pupated maggot, are you... :taunt:

http://precast.org/2010/05/using-fly-ash-in-concrete/

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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:30 am

Gord wrote:As my family members die off, I plan to eat their cremains.


FIFY....

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Re: Cremation

Postby ElectricMonk » Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:33 am

TJrandom wrote:
ElectricMonk wrote:I knew there was something odd about you... a pupated maggot, are you... :taunt:

http://precast.org/2010/05/using-fly-ash-in-concrete/



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I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
- Douglas Adams

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Re: Cremation

Postby scrmbldggs » Wed Oct 26, 2016 1:01 pm

I'll let those who get my carcass decide how much of it they want to use or burn, or get eaten. For all I care, they can place it in the dirt and observe the offspring of concrete enhancers have their way with it.

I expect the blooms to beautify my final resting place(s) to be wild flowers, or, perhaps, a bouquet someone will receive after recovering from receiving whichever of my spare parts still was useful for them to lead a happy life...

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Re: Cremation

Postby Gord » Wed Oct 26, 2016 1:35 pm

scrmbldggs wrote:I'll let those who get my carcass decide how much of it they want to use or burn, or get eaten.

Do you live near a McDonalds?
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Re: Cremation

Postby scrmbldggs » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:49 pm

Gord wrote:
scrmbldggs wrote:I'll let those who get my carcass decide how much of it they want to use or burn, or get eaten.

Do you live near a McDonalds?

Yes, but no worries. I have excellent cholesterol levels.

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Re: Cremation

Postby ElectricMonk » Wed Oct 26, 2016 6:33 pm

Nowadays I fear it is frowned upon to have one's carcass thrown into the well of one's enemies...
People have no sense of tradition...
I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
- Douglas Adams

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Re: Cremation

Postby OlegTheBatty » Wed Oct 26, 2016 8:11 pm

ElectricMonk wrote:Nowadays I fear it is frowned upon to have one's carcass thrown into the well of one's enemies...
People have no sense of tradition...


I've never heard anyone say a bad word about that practice.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Aztexan » Thu Oct 27, 2016 3:25 am

Well. Now you have.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Matthew Ellard » Thu Oct 27, 2016 3:40 am

I would pay anything to be launched on a medieval trebuchet into some lake or other safe landing zone.
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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Thu Oct 27, 2016 4:32 am

Yes, but would the Catholic Church approve if you did that with your ashes, aimed at a church?

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Re: Cremation

Postby Flash » Thu Oct 27, 2016 4:42 am

I would like to be buried in my Cadillac car (really a KIA) with wads of hundred dollar bills ( just one dollar bills will be okay) between my bejeweled (K-mart jewelry) grabby fingers.

Willie Morris "Flukey" Stokes (December 12, 1937 – November 19, 1986) was an American reputed mobster from Chicago, Illinois. Stokes was from the South Side and well known for his silk suits,[10] diamond rings, and flamboyant lifestyle[11] as a drug trafficking kingpin and pool hall owner.[12] Stokes immortalized himself in Chicago by throwing a $200,000 party on his 30th wedding anniversary in 1985 and for the decadent funeral he arranged for his murdered 28-year-old son, Willie "the Wimp" Stokes, Jr. in February 1984.[12][13] The elder Stokes had his son buried in a Cadillac-style coffin with $100 bills stuffed between his diamond ring laden fingers.[14] Two years later, Flukey would also be murdered, along with his chauffeur, sitting inside a 1986 Cadillac limousine[4] while talking on his wireless telephone.[7][15]
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Re: Cremation

Postby Gawdzilla Sama » Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:45 pm

Aztexan wrote:After my uncle died, my aunt had him cremated and his ashes placed in an urn. When she got home, she lovingly poured his ashes all over the coffee table. Then she bent over and said "Here's that blowjob you always wanted". And proceeded to blow them all over the carpet before vacuuming him up.

Must have been before the Internet. Nowadays all women loving giving head. I know it's true, I read it on the Internet. 8-)
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Re: Cremation

Postby OlegTheBatty » Sat Oct 29, 2016 7:41 pm

Gawdzilla Sama wrote:
Aztexan wrote:After my uncle died, my aunt had him cremated and his ashes placed in an urn. When she got home, she lovingly poured his ashes all over the coffee table. Then she bent over and said "Here's that blowjob you always wanted". And proceeded to blow them all over the carpet before vacuuming him up.

Must have been before the Internet. Nowadays all women loving giving head. I know it's true, I read it on the Internet. 8-)


That's why, when they ride, they should wear the proper head gear.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Gawdzilla Sama » Sat Oct 29, 2016 8:30 pm

OlegTheBatty wrote:
Gawdzilla Sama wrote:
Aztexan wrote:After my uncle died, my aunt had him cremated and his ashes placed in an urn. When she got home, she lovingly poured his ashes all over the coffee table. Then she bent over and said "Here's that blowjob you always wanted". And proceeded to blow them all over the carpet before vacuuming him up.

Must have been before the Internet. Nowadays all women loving giving head. I know it's true, I read it on the Internet. 8-)


That's why, when they ride, they should wear the proper head gear.

Like oral condoms?
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Re: Cremation

Postby Sarahlellan » Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:56 pm

Matthew Ellard wrote:I have my parents ashes in a rather nice ceramic box, on wheels, in my home study. I use the box to reach the books on the top shelf. They would enjoy that they are still helping me read things.

Amanda my partner is Catholic. Her parents are 85 and 87 and also Catholic. They don't have a plot set aside, so I'm going to point out that cremation is an option. For that, the opening post has been useful.



Hi Matthew,

you made me laugh even though it's not a funny subjet, but what really intrigued me that you are keeping your parents'ashes at home. In France, that is not possible, either you keep the ashes in a colombarium or other places, you can read about it in the second paragraph of this website (only if you can read in frensh :) ) http://www.simplyobseques.com/inhumation-cremation
For me i would like to keep the ashes in my home, but unfortunately it's against the law :(

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Re: Cremation

Postby Kevin Levites » Wed Feb 01, 2017 4:01 pm

I have little interest in what happens to my body after I die (aside from organ donation, which recycles life).

After working in the medical field, I tend to think of dead bodies as not being all that different than the hair clippings left on the floor when I go to the barber shop.

With a few exceptions, bodies all become dust anyway if enough time passes. What's the difference if the body becomes dust in 12 hours in a crematorium or 75 years in the ground when the Universe in 13.7 billion years old?

As for the exception, I'm thinking of cryonics.

I think cryonics should be encouraged as a funerary practice, as future generations will be able to use frozen bodies as a source of medical information to fight disease and epidemics.

As an example, scientists recently ressurrected the 1914 influenza virus from frozen Inuit bodies in the arctic permafrost.

Just my two cents.

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Re: Cremation

Postby Nobrot » Wed Feb 01, 2017 7:33 pm

ElectricMonk wrote:Nowadays I fear it is frowned upon to have one's carcass thrown into the well of one's enemies...
People have no sense of tradition...

I'm trying to convince my pals to dress me as a morris dancer and bury the corpse near the Greenland coast. I've no idea how fast the ice would advance to the shore but there’ll be much wtf-ing when I do eventually show up.

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Re: Cremation

Postby scrmbldggs » Wed Feb 01, 2017 7:53 pm

Kevin Levites wrote:...After working in the medical field, I tend to think of dead bodies as not being all that different than the hair clippings left on the floor when I go to the barber shop.

With a few exceptions, bodies all become dust anyway if enough time passes. What's the difference if the body becomes dust in 12 hours in a crematorium or 75 years in the ground when the Universe in 13.7 billion years old?...

It would be one to three days if the clippings were cuts on the shelf of a butcher's shop. :mrgreen:

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Re: Cremation

Postby Upton_O_Goode » Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:43 pm

TJrandom wrote:No scattering, no converting into jewelry, no splitting up, no shooting into the air, no keeping at home, no, no, oh no – since these might somehow interfere with rapture – but OK to burn, grind the remaining bones, and pour the now powdered ashes into a clay pot. It seems that god isn`t powerful enough to reverse these no-no’s, but is powerful enough to reconstitute a person from the ground up and mixed ashes, just so long as they are stored according to the Catholic Church guidelines.

Vatican issues guidelines on cremation, says no to scattering ashes

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/25/europ ... index.html



It's so very odd, isn't it? Bertrand Russell once remarked on this. It is surely blasphemous to suppose that God cannot resurrect a cremated body. If he can't, where did we send the victims at Hiroshima? Some of them, at least, must have been Catholics. About 2% of the population of Japan is Christian, I think.

When I was in catechism class, many long decades ago, I asked about this and was told that cremation is "disrespectful," although in the event of a plague, the Church would condone it. But short of that, Catholics are supposed to be pickled by an embalmer and put on public view (not ever looking their best, in my opinion), then laid underground. Modern government regulations tend to require a concrete vault around the casket, just to keep the dear departed from contaminating the ground water. But the Church has never worried about that.
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Re: Cremation

Postby Upton_O_Goode » Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:50 pm

The elder Stokes had his son buried in a Cadillac-style coffin with $100 bills stuffed between his diamond ring laden fingers.



On that, Billy Graham commented, "Man, that's living!!"
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Re: Cremation

Postby scrmbldggs » Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:12 am

TJrandom wrote:No scattering, no converting into jewelry, no splitting up, no shooting into the air, no keeping at home, no, no, oh no – since these might somehow interfere with rapture – but OK to burn, grind the remaining bones, and pour the now powdered ashes into a clay pot. It seems that god isn`t powerful enough to reverse these no-no’s, but is powerful enough to reconstitute a person from the ground up and mixed ashes, just so long as they are stored according to the Catholic Church guidelines.

Vatican issues guidelines on cremation, says no to scattering ashes

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/25/europ ... index.html

Hmm, I wonder if this is allowed or if it falls under 'keeping at home'? Maybe it's OK for travels?

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Re: Cremation

Postby Nobrot » Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:39 am

You Sir; have a fine brain.
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Re: Cremation

Postby TJrandom » Mon Feb 27, 2017 1:59 am

21 grams eh? I`m guessing that one might want to pack a bit more in - under pressure so to speak.


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